This Haiku Does Not Exist
by Ikeda Rose
Summary: It is all a hallucination. Do not look around. Do not look inside. Our god is not a smiling god...
1. Untitled 11

The alligators

Can indeed eat your children

Welcome to Night Vale


	2. Night Vale

Friendly, beautiful

While we all pretend to sleep

Light pass overhead


	3. Sandstorm

Take shelter indoors

I cannot condone violence

Don't kill your double!


	4. Dana

Dana is dead now

The real one or the double

I don't know which one


	5. The Vortex

It's so beautiful

Something beyond the something

Try not to be long


	6. Untitled 8

There is a thin line

We don't know where, but there is

Welcome to Night Vale


	7. Kevin

Oh dear listeners

He lives, I did not kill him

The man with black eyes


	8. Desert Bluffs

Beyond the vortex

The walls are covered in blood

What is this horror


	9. Hooded Figures

So mysterious

Lurking around the dog park

They speak in static


	10. Poetry Week

Eight hundred thousand

Poems for librarians

To tear violently


	11. Untitled 5

The third man cheated

You know it, don't deny it

Welcome to Night Vale


	12. First Date

**Merry Christmas =) I didn't have time to make a cool WTNV Christmas themed haiku, so I decided some Cecilos was appropriate. I couldn't just write one haiku about this particular episode, so I made it a grouping. Enjoy =)**

* * *

Began at Gino's  
There was a black shadow  
On the horizon

We ate our mushrooms  
Rare and bloody because  
|Wheat products are banned

Our waiter gave us  
A brick to smash the window  
And so we escaped

'Carlos and I' ah,  
The magic and ecstasy  
That fills that sweet phrase

We strolled through the park  
The people screamed at the sky  
We did not join them

The trees seemed normal  
But Carlos suggested we  
Do tests anyway

So we did science  
I have no idea  
What we actually did

I drove Carlos back  
The way home was difficult  
Because of the shadows

We stood at his door  
Somewhat awkwardly at first  
As dates tend to end

Then, Carlos kissed me  
It was just on the cheek,  
But I was so happy

The shadow people,  
They almost swallowed me up.  
I hardly noticed.


	13. Jellyfish

The thin line between

The beautiful and the weird

A very thin line


	14. Teddy Williams

He is a doctor

And runs the bowling alley

He howls sometimes


	15. The Sheriff's Secret Police

In their black clothing

Please speak louder when you speak

They need to hear you


	16. Untitled 6

What is really real

Are you real or am I real

Welcome to Night Vale


	17. The Man in the Tan Jacket

With his deerskin suitcase

No one can remember him

But he is a man


	18. Cassette

Misremembered past

I can see a flickering

Let's just crush this tape


	19. Tamika Flynn

Leader of children

Slayer of librarians

Wise beyond all time


	20. The Summer Reading Program

It was terrible

Level orange fear alert

And I survived it


	21. Untitled 12

Don't look, there's a thing

Please DO NOT look at the thing

Welcome to Night Vale


	22. Yellow Helicopters

Uninvited guests

Must be treated with hatred

And controlled panic

* * *

They are circling

If Josie falls we all fall

The sun has returned


	23. Missing

Tamika is gone

But they were lying. All lies.

You must find yourselves


	24. The Orange Grove

Listen carefully

DO NOT EAT THE ORANGES

Whatever you do


	25. Good Night 4

Look up at the stars

The time has come to go now

Good night listeners


	26. The Auction

Selling contraband

For an armored piñata

To crush rebellions

We're dying to know

Who bought lot thirty-seven

We have suspicions


	27. Perfect

Softly curling locks

That hair which was so cruelly cut

It will grow back soon


	28. Street Cleaning Day

They are upon us

Remain calm and run away

You may want to scream


	29. The House That Doesn't Exist

It seems like it does

It makes sense for it to be

But it's just not there


	30. Untitled 13

Yes, it's unlucky

Don't judge, it was born that way

Welcome to Night Vale


	31. The Woman From Italy

Nothing can stop her

She will not hear your pleading

Bow low before her


	32. Lazy Day

Nothing happening

Everything is slowing down

As the sun goes out


	33. The Beautiful Dream

No pain. No teasing.

The machine will watch over

The perfect new world


	34. Helicopter Crash

Children's shouts and screams

There's loud metallic clanging

And so it begins


	35. Untitled 15

Your cat disappeared

If you want it back, listen...

Welcome to Night Vale


	36. One Year Later

The sun is still hot

The moon is still beautiful

And the lights still pass

* * *

Dear Carlos is safe

The invasion has begun

The Tracker is dead


	37. Subway

Existence denied

Oh the places you will go

The knowledge you'll learn


	38. New Service

Delivers feelings

Whether you want them or not

No name. No info.


End file.
